Late Night Thoughts

As I lay here in the dark, husband sleeping next to me, washing machine making noises down the hall way, I wonder what the future holds for us. Particularly, my husband and I.

By 2019, both kids will be graduated high school and making their own plans but what does that mean for us? I’ve struggled with that in these last few months, especially after Unleash the Power Within. What’s my future hold? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? What’s going to make me happiest? What am I going to do to make shit happen? I keep seeing and hearing the quote in my head:

“Who were you before the world told you who you had to be?”

I feel like I’ve never really lived my life for me. I haven’t even really lived life at all yet. Growing up, I lived under my parents rules and guidance, as most kids do. I started doing my own thing early on in my teens, which lead me to a life of drugs and alcohol for many years, resulting in my life being ruled by addiction. During those years, I was wasn’t living at all, more like barely surviving. Then when we had kids, addiction continued, and still we weren’t really living. Once in sobriety our lives became fully and completely about our kids. So as you see, our lives were never really ours to live, until now, as our kids have gained more and more independence over time. Funny how that works, the older they get, the less cool we become. Go figure!

That’s not to say we haven’t had some really amazing experiences with our kids because we most definitely have. Choosing sobriety allowed us to save money to take them places we only dreamed about, and experience those people, places and things, as a family. We all got to go to Disneyland as a family for the first time together. What a memorable time! That was living. The excitement. The challenges. The adventure. The first-time experiences. That was living!

As I’ve gotten older and with each death we experience in our community, I’ve realized how limited our time on earth is. In less than 20 years, I’ll be 60, I am running out of time to do all the things I want to do. I want to live fully! So many years have been spent coasting through life while it passed us by. It’s time! Time to saddle the fuck up, get my shit together, and get on with living! It’s not enough to say it or write it. It’s about getting shit done!

So with that, the hubs and I are off on a little Mom and Dad-only adventure this week to kickstart our get busy living or get busy dying plan. I choose the get busy living option! Each day is a new day to start fresh and get living! Let’s live! Whooo!

I don’t even know if I made sense but in my head and heart it does. I just know it’s time for us to wake up every day, embrace life and choose to give it our all. We deserve so much yet we expect so little from ourselves that we cheat ourselves from really living the lives we want and deserve.

Good night.


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