Your Choice, Your Problem

So, I was worried I’d have nothing to write about tonight since I stayed home and worked on the NDK newsletter all day and didn’t really do anything worthy of talking about but then I forgot I have teens and shit hits the fan sometimes, like just now. Surely, writing about my personal stuff that includes my family is one thing but talking about their specifics is not really fair but then I remembered life isn’t fair, so fuck it. If it happens, I’m writing about it. All in the lessons, kids.

Lately and more so now that my teenagers are growing up and gaining their independence, it’s been a bit of a struggle to be a sane and “nice” Mom. History has shown that I am always the bad guy, it’s a shitty job but as the saying goes, someone has to do it. May as well be the one who doesn’t fuck around, even if it means, my kids hate me some days. So be it. Do I love my kids? Abso-fucking-lutely! If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be almost losing my mind most days and certainly wouldn’t be writing this.

I asked three, maybe even four, times for 16 to clean up the bathroom and entry way, and it didn’t get done after the third or fourth and final time, so there was some yelling exchanged when I got home from a cruise with Dad. Every teenager knows once it gets to that stage, they risk losing privileges, and what do you know?! The cell was in hand, which seems to be a theme every day these days, so away went the cell phone and that ended the argument with the two parties going their separate ways. Two slamming doors followed. Mind you, it is important to remember that said “bad guy” pays for said cell phone which is a privilege and not a right. Right? Right.

Now what? Well, I’m laying here writing this, and keeping my distance. It’s the smart thing to do. I refuse to acknowledge disrespectful and entitled behavior. When we choose the behavior, we choose the consequences. Done deal. Don’t want to do chores, no cell. Don’t want to go to school, no cell. We are all responsible for our own choices so long as we accept the consequences. I shouldn’t have to ask 3-4 times to do your part around the house. We all live here. Let’s all do our part. What will kids do when they have no adults around to do everything for them? Surely, they will learn real quick won’t they? I can only hope since I know some people (not mentioning any names) can’t live without a cell phone.

Anyway, yeah, so that’s my post for today. Life is tough but I’m tougher. Shit, I’m the parent of two teenagers. What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. I’m pretty sure I got balls of steel by now. Lol.

GOOD NIGHT.

Just when you think it’s bedtime, you get a call about 17. Great.

Is it a full moon by chance? Ugh.

Renee

Lessons

Life is short. As I’ve aged I’ve been made fully aware that this statement is all too true. We’ve lost so many loved ones and grieving is endless. So many have gone before us that I have come to recognize the importance of grieving and working through the grieving process, our health depends on it.

What I’ve learned, too, is that I’m capable of grieving in my own way and if I don’t attend a funeral, it’s not out of disrespect but allowing myself to grieve in my own way. I have helped many family and friends with funeral arrangements and some are harder than others, looking at the many photographic memories of the deceased I relive my own memories with that person. Sometimes, I laugh, sometimes I cry. I have learned through years of healing that the person never leaves us, they are just here in spirit, no longer in our physical world. This brings me comfort.

What’s my point? I’m not sure there is one. I am heading to Fort Liard today to listen to an Elder’s story for the Na Deh Kleh newsletter that I created for our people, and I thought about the lessons I’ve learned over the years. Grief is such a big one, the importance of grieving in a healthy way. Listening to the women in the healing circle yesterday and seeing Grandmas cry for their losses, made me think of years of pain our people have endured. It hurts my heart to see a Grandma cry for a child they’ve lost or a Mom cry for her son. Our people deserve to heal.

I remember many a day when I’d get in there and party with the family and friends of a deceased one to celebrate their life after the funeral. What I didn’t know at the time was that addictions stunt our grieving process, so we remain stuck in that time, finding it harder and harder to let the deceased go. Memories are relived and they are like a record player in our minds, stuck skipping. This ends when we stop using and start addressing the pain and start the healing work our bodies, minds and spirits need.

I still feel pain when I recall the good memories of past loved ones, anger when I think they could have been spared life if only they’d stopped drinking/drugging, and I still cry when the tears come. Healing and tears are good. Allow your self to cry but also allow yourself to enjoy life, too, that is what our loved ones would want. They would want us to be happy, healthy and to keep living life.

Healing and tears are good. Allow your self to cry but also allow yourself to enjoy life, too, that is what our loved ones would want.

Before I wrap up, I also want to share that grieving is not only about losing someone we love. Grieving is many things. We grieve when we lose or leave people, places and things. I grieved the loss of my favorite coat, a job I had to leave, and have grieved favorite places I’ve visited. Ahh, the ocean. My spirit aches for the ocean. So find someone to talk about those things, too. Find a professional or a friend you can trust to listen and help you unload some of that pain, so you can live fully today.

I wish for our people to heal all the years of pain, grief and loss. It seems endless for sure but it’s possible to take care of us so the pain does not control our lives or us. Creator intended for us to live in harmony and I’m sure that is what our loved ones, in the physical and spiritual world, want for us, too.

The sun is shining, so bless you this beautiful day. I wish you a great weekend.

 

Renee

More or Less

We made it home after three nights in Fort St. John for the Walk in Balance conference. Coming home is always a welcome sight. Now that our kids are older the puppies are the most happy to see us, haha. We love coming home to our kids, Mom’s dinners and fresh laundry, and these crazy puppies.

I feel like I should be writing more for you but I’ve been distracted so I recognize the importance of tackling writing first thing in the morning when my mind is fresh and alert. The ideal time is not laying in bed, on my phone, in my pajamas, ready for bed. My mind becomes jello at this hour, so my apologies.

Today marks my ninth year of sobriety, and I got to spend my morning in a women’s healing circle. That’s pretty swell if you ask me! I shared through some tears but not sad tears, tears of empathy. What we go through as women is often suffered in silence because we’re too busy taking care of everyone but ourselves. I heard the pain of the women in our circle and my heart feels that. I know what it’s like to lose a loved one and to fight addiction. I also heard the strength of those women who were still moving forward despite the struggles. Indigenous women are resilient and strong. We are the lifeblood of our communities.

I didn’t get to see everyone I’d hoped to see and talk to because we left right after the circle but all in all, it was a good day and great 3 days overall. I’m happy we were able to go with Shawna’s (and NENAN’s) help. Thanks Shawna.

Good night, relatives.

Renee

It’s a Talk Show Life

Have you ever wanted to call Dr. Phil on your family? No? Me neither.

Actually, I’ve thought about it more than once. Honestly. Anyone else? What would you say? What is the one big issue you’d want help with? Parental issues, sibling rivalry, midlife crisis, unhappy marriage, love triangle, unruly kid, mooching adult kids? There’s a lot we all could choose from I’m sure.

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If you contacted the show, do you think your family would participate? There’s a lot to consider. Would work let you take the time off? Would you forget to turn the coffee maker off? Would your life be worse off than before? What would you wear? Do you think calling the show would result in your family being even more pissed off at your or at each other? What will Jane or John do when Dr. Phil surprises them with mandatory treatment? Flip out and tell the camera guy to fuck off or decide to go but decide they hate your guts and are never going to speak to you again? Imagine that scene!

Isn’t it funny to think of the reality of all that happening? What if you got a call tomorrow from a Dr. Phil producer to be on the show? Or better yet, Jerry Springer? We all know Jerry Springer is going to result in some missing hair and/or water to the face. Let’s pray none of us ever land on Jerry Springer.

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Ok, enough of that, I better get to bed. I had myself some laughs. I hope you did too. Let the scenario play out in your mind with the members of your family. It’s actually pretty comical.

Good night.

 

Renee

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Five Questions

It’s day four of my one hundred posts in one hundred days. Today, since I wanted to keep it simple, I’m going to answer five random questions from the book, Question of the Day by Al Katkowsky.

  1. What was the hardest thing you had to do that yielded a huge benefit?

First thing that came to mind was leaving my job. I had been there four years and absolutely loved what I did. I never considered it a job; it was something I loved to do. To me, it wasn’t work and I believe I provided an invaluable service to the people I served. The huge benefit in leaving my work is that I got to heal my mind and spirit from the damage that was caused to me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

The other thing that came to mind was fire walking at Unleash the Power Within! RAWR! I AM A FIREWALKER! I walked on fire, a bed of burning hot coals, and I didn’t feel a thing! I did it. I faced my fears, got in a peak state and kicked ass across that fire. BOOM! What’s the benefit of that? I know I can do anything I set my mind to! I am capable, courageous, smart, fun, and fucking badass! Whoooo!

  1. Who did you most recently meet that made you feel that you really need that kind of person in your life?

Helen and Ivonne, Tony Robbins and my fellow Fire Walkers from Unleash the Power Within San Jose. Each person in that SAP Centre was there with good intentions and a fiery spirit ready to conquer goals and smash the shit out of fears and judgments limiting us. Together we made moves, shook our asses and walked all over the fires in our lives to bust out smiling with an even more fiery spirit than before we got there. I need all those kinds of people in my life. We all do!

  1. What did you most recently notice someone getting paid for, or doing professionally, that you know you could do better?

Ha-ha! This is on page 85 of the book, not even joking, and I randomly picked questions I opened up the page to. This was one of them.

See question and answer 1. Simply put, my communications and newsletter job, hands down.

  1. What do you accept in friends that you don’t accept in strangers?

Well, this is an easy one. I accept friends coming over, taking their shoes off and visiting, strangers not so much.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. My family has, on more than one occasion, invited strangers to crash at our homes because we’re nice (maybe naïve, too) like that. Ha-ha. I believe most people in this world are good people and we like to help people, even strangers. It’s good karma.

  1. Who or what did you not realize you were attached to until that person or thing was gone?

My older than old balls, ratty old Point Zero coat that I ordered from the Sears catalogue in the mid-nineties. I kept trying to part with it but could never seem to let it go. My grandma repaired it for me, the cuffs had because worn out in patched, the zipper on the pouch didn’t work and then finally this winter, I dropped it off at the thrift store. Low and behold, my son asked where it was and I told him. He wanted it for skidooing and winters at the cabin, so we tried to go reclaim it but they said they must’ve thrown it out if it was damaged. It was time to let it go obviously. Needless to say, I was sad. I was hoping it was there so my son could keep it, which meant it would still be in my life. Ha-ha.

That’s my five random questions and answers. I love to write but sometimes, even I need prompts. I’d love to see your responses to the questions above, too. Feel free to post your responses in the comments section.

It’s been a long but really good day. I got to spend the day with my fellow firewalker that’s in town for the weekend. Yes!

Good night and God bless.

Renee